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Mariners X-Mas List For Winter Meetings

By Brian Ailor

1st Base/DH: I like Justin Smoak as a prospect but I'd sure like a proven hitter either to spell him at first or to DH and take some of the pressure off him. Why not blow Japanese media heads off and bring in Godzilla for a year? He might play the field and run the bases like I travel up stairs, but if you have Ichiro and Gutierrez roaming the outfield who cares?

2nd Base: Too late for Brett Boone to make yet another Mariners comeback?? Yeah probably so here's a shot in the dark... let's move disgruntled 2nd baseman Chone Figgens back to 3rd where he seemed far more comfortable with back in Anaheim. Then promote blue chipper prospect Justin Ackley to play 2nd base. Trial by fire always works best in my opinion.

SS: Not sure how the rest of you feel but I consider Wilsons to be like QBs in the NFL... If you have two of em, you really don't have one. Usually shortstops are either 1. Largely athletic or 2. Great hitters. Neither of these describe our shortstops. Everytime either Wilson came up to bat all I was hoping for was a hit by pitch. Not necessarily the offensive juggernaughts needed in the middle of the lineup.

3rd Base: I'll be the first to say it... I don't miss Jose Lopez, and that has nothing to do with the fact that he marks the tenth player who's jersey I bought that the very next year either was traded of retired. You 10 know who you are....

Outfield: Please sign Manny Ramirez!!! Just as a personal funny I'd love to see two gold glove winners play keep away from Man Ram in left field... Be like "Bad News Bears" all over again with Guti stealing all pop flies hit that direction. A more logical and economically friendly option would be to play Saunders more. At least when he accidentally hits the ball it travels outta the park. Been far too long since weve had one of those power hitting outfielders...You know the type, the ones that don't cost 4 times too much, or the ones who might as well not even bring a bat to the plate cuz they don't know how to hit anyways...
*coughs Milton Bradley*

Pitching: Since I'm sure MLB and Commissioner Bud Selig would frown upon cloning Felix Hernandez 4 times over were going to have to look for help else where... Not to mention, thanks to the movie "Multiplicity" we all know what happens when you accidentally clone a clone! Lets see, thus far we have for starting pitching Felix, Bedard (worst trade ever!), and 3 minor leaguers. Maybe we should bolster this somehow, so let us see whose on the free agent market shall we? How about Kevin Millwood, Brad Penny, Carl Pavano, or Andy Pettite? All of whom are former Aces who can help fill out a rotation.

Catcher: If it's not too much trouble I'd like to send one of our scouts to find Hector, the long lost Molina brother to come play catcher in Seattle. Last Mariners catcher I can remember who was worth a darn was Dan Wilson.. And while I'm on that subject here's a simple reguest for a new coaching staff... Know former Cleveland manager Eric Wedge just got here but we can fire him and just blame it on Lebron right?

Coaching Staff: Since most good managers seem to be former catchers i.e. Scioscia for the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim or Yankees skipper Joe Girardi. I'd like to volunteer Dan Wilson as Manager. While were at it, why not Edgar Martinez as hitting coach? Or the ageless wonder that is Jamie Moyer as pitching coach? Jamie could set yet another all time record, along side most homeruns given up by a pithcer, by being the first ever player/pitching coach. After his Tommy John surgery heals he can just run himself out to the mound every 5th game. Be perfect! Heck lets even bring back Ken Griffey JR to be the bullpen coach, that way he can safely nap throught the first 6 innings some more.... Too soon???

Closer: Can we please trade David Aardsma for anything? Perhaps to Japan for more Ichiroles? All I know is I haven't been this nervous watching a D.A. in action since Harvey Dent turned into Two Face in the last Batman Movie...

1 comment:

  1. Funny stuff, and great ideas. I am completely with you on that if you have a platoon at short you are hurting for sure.